Monday, May 11

dreaming of a more meaningful existence

Life reminds me of branching fractal vines that cling to concrete highway obstructions and edifices. It starts small, in the dark alchemy of the soil. Proteins and minerals collect, process, manipulate and bathe together under the ephemeral blanket of photons emanating from the Sun.

The vine breaks out of darkness imperceptibly, as if it were there all along. As a young vine, it is weak, and overly anxious to sprawl. It clings to a firm structure and starts branching toward the origin, using every crack, ledge, tree trunk, fence hole, and brick to inch its way closer to perfection.

In its fervent growth, multiplied by surface area and warmth, the infinite fractal blooms across its host like a delicate green lattice, asserting its presence with large solar-gobbling heart-like leaves. Inevitably, the once helpless tangle of a vine reaches the physical limits of its foundation. In the case of a large building, the vine billows along the edge of the roof, making its priority and intention perfectly clear. The vine and its host, whatever the host might be, go through the season together like so, both enduring the ravages of weather and time. The host crumbles away eventually, and the vine may wither away. But the roots remain tangled in the dark alchemy of the soil, awaiting a new host to take it ever closer to the origin of the light.

The important thing is that the vine (Life) clings to whatever it can. It's been clinging to this ball called Earth for a pretty long time apparently, but I don't think the vine originated within the Earth. If you pay close attention to the behavior of the vine, the way it branches out in all directions, but always toward the sun, and then think of everything else that branches upward--birds, ants, primates, electrical towers, city skylines (even our highways grow taller and branch out in complex patterns), as well as planes, rockets and space probes--somewhat of a common theme develops. These are all fine examples, but not all of them capture the essence of the vine. I'm more interested in the grand lunges toward Heaven, Beauty, Perfection, and the Cosmos in structures like St. Peter's Basilica, ancient Mayan and Aztec temples, the Egyptian pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, Christ the Redeemer Statue in Rio de Janeiro, and Hubble. These colossal structures represent our own inner vine, branching ambitiously toward the Sun, Heaven, God--the origin is all that matters--and each of us has his own branch along the surface of our host, sometimes concrete or wood or expensive rugs, sometimes dirt or straw. The entire human vine branches toward its origin (even in the face of rogue cells and incompatible or defunct sections of its anatomy) and the only real question is whether we'll reach it or not.

If the common vine clinging to a highway divider is any indicator or significator of the answer, then the answer would be no. Faced with the physical limits of nature, the vine may only reach so high. The Earth can only support so much life. It can only take so much abuse before a symbiotic relationship becomes a parasitic battle for survival, and it has only so many resources to be stripped of. But we humans, the stubborn idealistic creatures that we are, persist to reach ever higher guided by the faith that "anything is possible if you put your mind to it."

We've reached the roof of our current foundation, the United States of America, and it's having trouble supporting the massive weight and grip of the vine. It's foundation has been eroding steadily for decades, since the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr., but the last 8 years has done the most damage to its core foundation and fundamental origin since the Civil War.

We are like the vine that billows greedily at the top of the edifice (and the Western edifice soars pretty high), causing it to buckle down below, but we've lost touch with our roots and so we perceive the buckling as the gentle swaying of the wind. The older branches closer to the soil are more aware of the gravity of the situation, but a message takes a long time to follow the pathways up to the highest ledge and disperse among the whole. In fact, it's an astronomically small chance that the message would ever reach the top, what with the infinite number of pathways and dead-ends that it must travel blindly. And even if such an urgent message were to reach the top, there's no assurance that it would be heard by the collective mass basking in its own grandeur.

Somehow, though, a message has gotten to the very top, a very important message of Hope, renewal, conservation and inclusion of humanity as a whole. It's a message that has echoed through time for millennia, but today it echoes through Barack Obama across a diverse globe of strife, famine, war, and genocide, and it's only possible because of how our vine is connected. Dissemination of information through technology is the catalyst and vessel of the message, and it has reached us at a time where we're beginning to see the bigger picture as individuals, some branching back down toward the roots, others merely passing the information along, but ironically the technology we cling to is acting as an amplifier for that timeless message of renewal and rebirth.

If you imagine this great skyscraper as the symbol of all humanity, adorned with history's "tick marks" of evolutionary growth like a colossal totem pole spanning time vertically, you can think of two points along the vertical axis of the building: one somewhere beneath its base (the center of the Earth) and the other somewhere above the spire (the Sun). These two points are attractors like the positive and negative charges of a magnet, and you get an image like this:

Two singularities separated by an infinitude of possible paths, but strongly attracted to each other. On the one hand, the foundation of the Past points to some moment of singularity or nothingness, and on the other end is the singular moment of death or physical transcendence into nothingness. At the middle is all possible paths manifested simultaneously--an infinite fractal of paths. I believe this is the present moment. Everything emerging and taking its own path and breaking the rules of the past in order to create ever more possibilities.

This model can be applied to history as we know it, or a simple choice between two flavors of ice cream (Note: Not always a simple choice). A decision begins with the singularity of the moment that brought the need for the choice, branching out the solutions and consequences of each possible outcome until the mind narrows them down and comes to a decision, thus reaching the singularity of the outcome.

Terence McKenna was a proponent of this dual-singularity concept, and he saw the future attractor as the "technological singularity"; the UFO at the end of time that haunts the past through its numerous sightings across nations and in dreams. It's the point at which human history ceases because our soul fuses with technology. Not just in the metaphysical sense, but the actual transformation of both humans and technology into one thing. Terence saw how close we are to achieving that singularity, but he also saw how easily we could just as well be wiped clean out of existence. Every year our computing power increases faster than the year before; our connectivity with each other grows like the fractal vine, feeding off the glow of the brightening technological sun. This all happens at the cost of our planet and fragile ecosystem.

Consilience, the unity of knowledge, also points toward this techno-singularity as well. Biology is fusing with nano-technology producing genetic engineering or "bioengineering". Chemistry is fusing with physics to produce unlimited energy. Computers are dissolving cultural and social boundaries through the internet, which by the way, is really where the birthplace of this singularity lies. The internet is so incredibly powerful that entire industries are buckling under the pressure to upgrade and keep up with the pace. All this knowledge and information swarms across the globe, bouncing like ping pong balls between satellites, computers, and phones, working toward a more efficient system, a more unified configuration.

And the truth is, there's absolutely nothing stopping humans from reaching this singularity--an evolutionary leap to send our species to other planets and become a galactic being--it is our collective dream expressed today almost incessantly through books, television, and movies, and nothing is keeping us from achieving this dream but ourselves. That, and blind destruction.

Whether we're dealing with a failing global economy, world-wide hunger and wars, or whether gays have the right to marry, humans have a fatal flaw in getting to the roots of their issues. Part of it is sheer complexity. The luxuries we've built for ourselves threaten our lagging intellect with utter incomprehension. This is the fundamental conflict in our lives; the incorporation of massive amounts of man-made objects, possessions, luxuries, friends, networks, hobbies, distractions, and information with our still primitive mind. There is a strong acceleration at work and we have to cling harder and harder to stay "in touch".

Friday, May 1

stuff I've been thinking about and whatnot

1. Re-designing my website. I want the website to be much more flexible on the back-end so that I can update it more often. For this month of May, I think I'll be doing a lot of research and coding. Ooh-rah.

2. Finishing the second Jones Soda commercial. If you didn't see the first one, please go take a look. It's 30 seconds long and I promise it's worth it. The contest already ended, but there's no point in letting good footage go to waste. And it's going to look and sound awesome.




3. NBA Playoffs. I haven't watched basketball, let alone sports, with any regularity since the early 2000's. This year I happen to be catching nearly playoff game, probably because of shitty hours at work, and I'm really enjoying it. The Bulls & Celtics really are having one of the greatest series of all time. I'm rooting for the Bulls to make it to the Eastern Finals, to fight the Cavs, but I think the Cavs will make it to the Finals. Lakers are a shoe-in, obviously. But I really want to see the Cavs win.

4. There's a web of writing ideas floating in my general vicinity. These ideas include but are not limited to poems, novels, screenplays, blogs, and exercises. I don't like to reveal my ideas before writing them, probably because that's putting the carriage before the horse, but I absolutely live for these ideas, they are pretty much my lifeblood. With all the video work I've been doing, my writing has been put aside for a bit, but I very much want to jump back into the novel I started back in November.

5. Job hunting. Looking for work in TV/Film editing/production is difficult, but I really can't see myself going into yet another dead-end retail or service job and getting sucked into another cycle. Really, just about any creative job would be better, as long as it pays equally and gives more hours. A rough economy makes things difficult for everyone, which is why I try not to complain about my job too much. But honestly, I don't believe they treat me or my co-workers with respect, at least not in the personal sense; theirs is more of a professional respect that has convenient phrases and consolations.

6. Undeveloped rolls. I have at least 3 rolls of film to develop, including one I shot last week during the heat-wave. I'm looking forward to getting the results and sharing them. I have my eyes set on a Nikon D90, so once I round up enough spending cash, I'll be able to take pictures far more often.

That's all I've got for you today. Kinda want to see X-Men Origins, but I'm going to wait a bit. Looking forward to Star Trek. Okay, seriously, that's all. Pearl's burger sounds kind of good right no

Monday, April 27

Nature

I haven't been reading much in the past several weeks, mostly because my time has been primarily consumed by creating and editing videos, but I recently started reading Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it's just the kind of gem I need at a time like this. I feel ashamed for not having read Emerson sooner. Here's an excerpt:

A nobler want of man is served by nature, namely, the love of Beauty.

The ancient Greeks called the world κόσμος, beauty. Such is the constitution of all things, or such the plastic power of the human eye, that the primary forms, as the sky, the mountain, the tree, the animal, give us a delight in and for themselves; a pleasure arising from outline, color, motion, and grouping. This seems partly owing to the eye itself. The eye is the best of artists. By the mutual action of its structure and of the laws of light, perspective is produced, which integrates every mass of objects, of what character soever, into a well colored and shaded globe, so that where the particular objects are mean and unaffecting, the landscape which they compose, is round and symmetrical. And as the eye is the best composer, so light is the first of painters. There is no object so foul that intense light will not make beautiful. And the stimulus it affords the sense, and a sort of infinitude which it hath, like space and time, make all matter gay. Even the corpse has its own beauty. But besides this general grace diffused over nature, almost all the individual forms are agreeable to the eye, as is proved by our endless imitations of some of them, as the acorn, the grape, the pine-cone, the wheat-ear, the egg, the wings and forms of most birds, the lion's claw, the serpent, the butterfly, sea-shells, flames, clouds, buds, leaves, and the forms of many trees, as the palm.


His prose is clean and evokes fluid imagery. Sometimes it becomes a puzzle to decipher, which is fine with me. Learning never was fun without a challenge. When he talks about light, I'm reminded of my acute sensitivity to bright light. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I sneeze from light overload. Prime examples would include, but are not limited to, breaching bright daylight from a poorly lit building, walking past white buildings in broad sunlight, heavy fluorescent lighting in retail or grocery stores, or even just a very bright object in a dark setting. This peculiarity is less irritating than it might sound, though I could imagine a slightly worse version of myself walking around sneezing at every corner. If anything, I use this to my advantage to get sneezes out of that funky limbo. If a sneeze is hangin', I will automatically look toward the brightest object in the room or sky to force the sneeze (in fact, white overcast is another beast my eyes are allergic to). It works every time.

Friday, March 27

backpacks and Sac

It's amazing how something as simple as a backpack can have transformative qualities.

First of all, you've got the obvious physical transformation of your body's newly acquired carrying superiority. It also adds an immeasurable value to our survival chances, if caught in the wrong situation.

But I'm always interested in the less obvious, perceptual qualities; more specifically, the image that I project while walking down Post St. on a school day at 1:30pm on March 25th, wearing my backpack. Humor me for a minute and let's assume that random strangers have even the slightest care about who I am or where I'm going. I know that the mind likes to fill in the gaps. It's why we love mysteries so much. We love having to fit the pieces back together and figure out why some pieces are missing. Our brain fills the gaps with its own version, and I believe it does this down to the everyday minutia--the slightest glance is perfectly capable of forming a flash judgement within the observer's mind, from the fiery spark of attraction to the racially charged spit of hatred. I believe we all conjure up images in each other's minds all the time. The catch is that we don't control them.

The context of our lives filter the raw data through silk cloths of obsession, insecurities, ideologies, beliefs, suppositions, assumptions, stereotypes, biases, fears, hopes, dreams, expectations, and then checked against the ingrained psychological neuroses before the image blinks onto the screen of our visual cortex. I think it's easier (or more interesting) to picture the mental image of a person as a whirl of nano-particles, chromatic in hue, scattered randomly across a screen, making it appear uniformly dark, but constantly shifting and transforming as our eyes see their subjects--sometimes the particles hardly murmur, giving the tiniest bit of acknowledgement. Other times the particles swim around in shimmering patterns, recreating the most serene vistas of lush gardens or towering peaks.

And so to focus this long-winded examination (you didn't think I'd be brief, did you?), I am interested in how people perceive people, and how others might perceive me. I am young, and even younger looking, though I have a beard and long hair. My expression is plaintive, a little somber, rather absorbed, and filled with the desire to get from A to B. Walking past the Academy of Art's "Church" building Post & Mason, I catch a few glances from students on their breaks. Surely I must look like just another jaded AAU student trudging to class, probably late. That was true a year ago, during my last semester there, but thankfully it couldn't be further from the truth. The backpack transforms me into a student in the minds of others, nonetheless.

Once I get to the bus stop at Market & 4th, the image narrows down. I become a Muni rider, trying to get to work or school on the 5 or 6 bus. But as the busses stop, unload & load, and take off one after another, the image crumbles away to reveal the reality--I'm waiting for the Amtrak bus to take me to the Emeryville train station. But now the image muddies as to whether I'm a local or a tourist, and where I'm actually headed is anyone's guess. And thus the backpack dissolves my self-image into the swarm of travelers who form the predominant image of that identity ("traveler") in all our minds: Strangers in small spaces trying to get to their families, friends, homes, and new places.

Monday, March 23

In search of the sacred

What is sacred to me?

The first thing that comes to mind is the gaze of animals and babies. There's something inexpressible about the purity of nature and natural wisdom that shines through the eyes of wild creatures and infant children too young to speak. Imagination is also sacred to me. In fact, it may be the closest connection to sacredness I have. I want to cultivate the sacred in my life; the images, the ideas, the experiences, and all that emanates from them.

I feel a spiritual dearth, a potential that requires great discipline and care in order for it to come into fruition. I am a seed that has been germinating, and my roots have grown wild and tangled beneath the surface but my bud waits to flower. I find great fascination in the beliefs and teachings of Native American shamans, Tibetan monks, and Hinduism. In fact, I'm finding myself drawn to all kinds of spiritual disciplines and religions.

As a boy, I used to scoff at religion and was blind to the possibilities of the unknown, but as I've matured, that view has gradually turned and shifted toward the acceptance of religion as a metaphor for the inner journey. All my life I've felt the desire to dive deep into myself to unlock sacred truths about myself and life, but there's always been a great chasm keeping me from finding firm spiritual footing. My lack of religious teaching as a child and the distaste for religion that grew out of my own scientific curiosity planted the germ of fear in my heart.

I see now that the chasm was never an obstacle-- my own fear of the chasm is the obstacle. To truly discover myself, I must abandon fear and leap into the heart of my soul. But the question then becomes, how do I abandon my fears? This is the kind of inner alchemy that my soul so desperately desires-- the ability to transform and refine the primal substance into higher and higher states of purity-- a purity not unlike that which radiates through the tired eyes of an old dog, or a particularly colorful finch that flitters out of the sky to land nearby and cocks her head curiously in my direction. The magnificence and serendipity of being in the presence of such a creature moves me to awe and wonder and warms my heart with the beauty of existence--and then the finch flies away with the sharp flapping of wings, and the dog lowers his head and droops his eyes until sleep overtakes him. It's funny to think that animals could have more spiritual wisdom than humans, but I think in most cases it's true. If anything, our fascination with plants and animals is a reflection of their natural purity, which we as humans have forgotten in search of material desires.

I should note that I am particularly sensitive and aware of that conflict between man and nature, as if my excellent eyesight and acute empathy were gifted for that purpose alone. Yet despite my empathic nature, I have not reconciled my patience with the terribly selfish and heinous things that people do to each other, and especially to the Earth and its creatures. I am always greatly pained by man's carelessness for the consequences of his actions, but I am reminded that it is part of my nature as well. Along side of my empathy and desire for reconciliation lies a deep cynicism and apathy for humankind, and I cannot deny my occasional hypocritical choices. But I am not so vain as to ignore such glaring contradictions, which is an honest quality that I take pride in (and one that I greatly admire in Barack Obama), and I put myself through a lot of mental anguish in trying to assimilate the inherent flaws in my personality.

With knowledge of my personal flaws and conflicts, I think that perfection is a word best left out of the dictionary. One cannot judge "right" without the concept of "wrong", and one cannot change from an assumed state of perfection except for deconstruction. The old standard that "Man is the measure of all things" falls terribly short of reality. One could certainly say that man is the measurer of all things, and that man's bias falls squarely upon himself. But the idea that humans are the pinnacle of perfection is the kind of arrogant ideology that has led to the rejection of nature and separation from our animal roots in lieu of a man-made institution known as science.

Don't get me wrong--I love science, and I wouldn't be typing this rant without serious admiration for it (not to mention computers or internets). But science is no different than any other creation of man. It is an ideal expressed through our imperfect nature and held up as a perfect faith for man to follow. Now, I would say that if science were widely accepted as a "faith" or religion, it would still be the most rigorously tested, provable, and formidable faith known. I don't take issue with the fact that science is but a faith, like any other religion. I take issue with the fact that most people--scientists included--believe that science trumps religion in all aspects, to the point where faith cannot compare to the absolute nature of empiricism. Well where does science stand on deja vu, lucid dreams, extra-temporal visions, UFO sightings, psychedelic experiences, paranormal activities, or the existence of a soul? For the most part, it rejects them as "pseudo-science", or condemns them to the realm of speculation, conspiracy, or madness. And yet millions of individuals cannot seriously be lying about such claims, for they have nothing to gain but the awkward glare of "normal society."

These extreme examples represent the individual experience that you and I live through every day, the type of intuitive, fleeting moments that pass through our lives as vividly as the chill of a deep winter gust. When I think about it, my life is influenced considerably more by the unobservable and immeasurable experiences than the empirical facts of life itself. It's wonderful to know that over 70% of the Earth is water, and that's certainly useful to biologists, geologists, and cartographers, but what do I care? Having a mythic dream and being late for work because of its effect on me is far more imperative to my understanding of the world and my place in it than any statistic or discovery that scientists might proclaim.

And so, I reach a conclusion that many great minds before me have: science and religion are two aspects of our reality, one explainable and the other inexplainable. They seem mutually exclusive in the way they've battled it out for centuries. But it's easy to forget that both are founded on our fundamental conscious understanding of the world. One puts faith in Reason and the other puts faith in God. I suppose what I seek in this life is a mutually inclusive view of faith and reason, one that shrewdly observes physical phenomena and metaphysical phenomena as two sides of the same coin.

Thankfully, there are more and more scientists these days who feel the same as I do, like Michael Behe (author of Edge of Evolution and Darwin's Black Box), Stuart A. Kaufman (Reinventing the Sacred), and Jeremy Narby (Intelligence in Nature and The Cosmic Serpent), to name a few. Through science they have found the inexpressible nature within, and instead of branding those conclusions as potholes to steer around or patch over, they attempt to assimilate them into the greater awareness of the individual experience, because what is more consequential or vital than the personal journey?

I don't know my purpose in the world, but I strive to find it every day (give or take). I can't understand my life's meaning because it's incomplete. As Jung wrote (paraphrased), a man does not intuit the meaning of his life until shortly before death, if at all. More likely, those who knew and loved him will decide the meaning of his life after the fact. All I can do is try to find something within--a sacred path that can guide me along the way to the ultimate truth. Searching for and cataloguing the sacred as it passes by or bubbles up through the imagination to build a sort of retreat within myself. Drawing and expressing this inner space helps ground me in a more spiritually aware reality.

I can't claim success in this regard, for I am just as confused about myself as you are, perhaps even more so because of my incessant thinking, but I have also found much solace in letting "that which does not matter truly slide," as Tyler Durden finds out in Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club. In my own way, I hope that by externalizing the internal sacredness, and vice versa, a feedback loop may be generated that lets spiritual energy flow in and out, in and out, inhaling and exhaling the beauty and darkness of life, and perhaps then may the grace of purity be felt.

(if you read all of this, I love you.)

Saturday, March 7

The Earth is Growing

Watch this video. It proposes the theory that Earth has grown over its 4.5 billion year life. This has been turned away by science before, when technology was mediocre at best. But now, the evidence is starting to solidify. Instead of Earth always staying the same size (when, and where in life have you ever seen something organic stay the same size?), Neal Adams shows how all the continents fit together on an Earth roughly half the size it is now. Instead of continents drifting across the oceans because of plate tectonics and subduction, the oceans were formed because the Earth expanded more rapidly than before and the oceans spread across the newly created sea-beds. If you're skeptical, watch the movie. One thing to note is the fact that the sea-floor is no more than 70 million years old, where as the continental rocks date back over 2 billion years. This suggests that the oceans are far newer than we imagined and the continents have simply expanded with them.



If you are intrigued by this idea, listen to this series of videos. These are segments of a conversation between Neal Adams and Art Bell from Coast to Coast, talking about this theory and why it's plausible. (Parts 1-11)